Geography of Hungary
Hungary is a small country. It does not even make the cut for the top 100 countries by area and loses to fine countries like Cambodia, Uganda and Zimbabwe [1]. That is sad. But so is also the default state of the Magyars (this is what they call themselves and are expecting that everyone does this as well).
There are 4 building blocks of the geography of Hungary and they are all really easy to remember as they all start with the letter B: Budapest, Balaton, Békéscsaba, Bécs
Budapest
The holy capital of the empire of the Magyars. If you have made it to Budapest, then you have achieved a lot in your life. There is nothing which is not available in Budapest. You can buy meat for your gulyás (goulash), paprikas and even take a plane from the nearby Ferenc Liszt airport (but who’d want to leave the country anyway?). Sitting in a cafe in Budapest (just sitting, not ordering — remember, we are on a budget here!) will immediately give you the feeling of being the centerpiece of a well-written A1-A2-level textbook.
Balaton
The only thing which comes close to a sea. Remember, for the Magyars, Balaton is sacred, they think it is a sea, do not even try to argue with them, they will fiercly defend their opinion. Hungarians will tell you that at Balaton you can do all the things you would be able to do when going to the sea — swimming, sunbathing, playing frisbee —there are records of people playing frisbee over the Balaton lake (uhm I meant sea) as it is a bit narrow. Balaton serves as the single source of water for the whole country, it has enough fish to feed the whole nation and is overcrowded during the whole year — summer and winter — as it is considered a sea, lake, park, forest and so on.
Going to either Budapest or Balaton is really easy as every sign in the country has those two listed. In the unlikely event that you cannot find a direction, the following rule of thumb will help: keep straight for Budapest and turn right for Balaton. As seen here:
Békéscsaba
The capital of the East! Some centuries ago, this one played vital role in holding the gypsy hordes from Romania but some say that the success is not really visible. Nowadays, as the capital of the East, Békéscsaba is famous for its sausage fest and one of the most successful football teams in the world — Békéscsaba Előre! Wearing some purple t-shirt will immediately help you to merge with the locals.
Bécs
Now, pay attention. On the map above, it might look like as if Bécs is part of Austria. This might be true on some political/state level but not in the minds of the Magyars. Remember the successful ones, living and working in Budapest. The top 10% of them go shopping and spending their money in Bécs. The trip there is like a pilgrimage. Once you have been there, you will immediately be gaining high respect by all your friends and neighbors. They might be asking you to bring them something from there, just remember to say that you do not have the money for such niceties.
Advice: be alarmed if you meet someone who is insisting that they come from another part of Hungary. They might try to convince you by showing you fake photos, speak some dialects and so on. Just remember, if it does not start with B, it does not matter. Bolgár does.
Bonus points: Kékes
Mount Kékes is the highest point in the land of the Magyars. Actually, the highest point in the whole world. Many sagas are written of people climbing the majestic 1014 meters and seeing as far as Balaton. Having such amazing mountains, it is only logically to assume that Hungarians are very well prepared to roam the other European mountains. However, due to safety concerns, it is not unusual to see the following sign in some mountains:
Stay tuned for the next lesson — the Hungarian cuisine
Sources (as if you care):
[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_and_dependencies_by_area
